something's missing

"i'm dizzy from the shopping mall
i searched for joy but i bought it all
it doesn't help the hunger pain
and a thirst i'd have to drown first to ever satiate

something's missing
and i don't know how to fix it
something's missing
and i don't know what it is
at all

when autumn comes
it doesn't ask
it just walks in where it left you last
you never know when it starts
until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart

i can't be sure that this state of mind
is not of my own design
i wish there was an over-the-counter test
for loneliness like this

how come everything i think i need always comes with batteries
what do you think it means?"

"Something's Missing" by John Mayer

my favorite won!!

I told my friend that I watch The Contender, a boxing TV reality show and she was surprised. She's a big fan of boxing and has been following it as well. She didn't think I liked boxing and she's right I don't. However one quiet Sunday evening I saw it was on while flipping channels and it caught my attention. What I liked about the show is that we were able to experience the heart of boxing. When I think of boxing, I think machismo, big egos, voilence, pointless, men with too much pride, showing off etc. but watching this show helped me understand and not be so quick to stereotype. I was moved by how humble and intelligent the boxers are. Last night 2 boxers fought for 1 million dollars and the one I was impressed with WON!! Every fight, every step of the way he always said "I'm doing this for my mother so that she won't have to work another day of her life." ahhhhhh! I was so happy he won! I know I'm crazy but I was screaming like my dad would be when he watches a fight.

He said the one that wins the title of Contender is the one that wants it the most. And he did and I think he is deserving. He earned it. So to another fellow Mexican-American I say Congratulations Sergio Mora!!!

I'm still not a fan of boxing. Just a fan of discovering other beautiful souls. (i know, cheesy :)
(you'd have to have seen the show to understand)




(btw, it is so annoying when people watch reality shows and don't own up to it or if they do, they say "oh i'm so embarrassed that i watch it...." after revealing detailed observations and opinions. SHUT UP! Makes me want to slap them. You watch it, who cares! If someone wants to judge you based on that, thats there problem - i overhear these conversations at my gym all the time)

everything that frightens us

Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1875-1926 German Poet

buy some underwear

you know those funny moments when you over-hear something on the street that makes you laugh and you might look crazy to others because you're walking alone and laughing, this is one such moment:

i'm waiting for the light to change to cross the street. i hear two guys talking behind me:
        Guy 1: "So where are we going now?"
        Guy 2: "I have to go to " " store."
        Guy 1: "What for?"
        Guy 2: "because I have to buy some underwear."
        Guy 1: "ok, yes lets go buy you some underwear!"

Walking signal turns on. They walk ahead of me.
Guy 1 turns around to me, knowing most likely I overheard and points to his friend in a -that's my friend for you- playful way. Guy 2 looks turns around and realizes that I overhead and laughs. I laugh as well.

        Guy 1: "Remind me to never ask you where we are going!"

what makes it funny was how the guy handled it. i guess you had to be there.

Fable of the Mermaid and the Drunks

All those men were there inside,
when she came in totally naked.
They had been drinking: they began to spit.
Newly come from the river, she knew nothing.
She was a mermaid who had lost her way.
The insults flowed down her gleaming flesh.
Obscenities drowned her golden breasts.
Not knowing tears, she did not weep tears.
Not knowing clothes, she did not have clothes.
They blackened her with burnt corks and cigarette stubs,
and rolled around laughing on the tavern floor.
She did not speak because she had no speech.
Her eyes were the colour of distant love,
her twin arms were made of white topaz.
Her lips moved, silent, in a coral light,
and suddenly she went out by that door.
Entering the river she was cleaned,
shining like a white stone in the rain,
and without looking back she swam again
swam towards emptiness, swam towards death.

** Pablo Neruda **

(hey mermaid, i thought you might like this :)

steal your love

Do they lay down the law and lock up your heart?
Gonna have to steal your love.
Some laws should be broken from the start,
Gonna have to steal your love.

You ain't about to give it up for no one.
Gonna have to steal your love.
I don't need a knife, I don't need a gun.
I know how to steal your love,

I don't want your drugs, I don't want your money,
I just wanna steal your love.
I want you to squeeze me and call me honey,
I just wanna steal your love.

Give me your strong hand, go away with me,
I won't have to steal your love.
Come on, let me kiss you and set you free,
I won't have to steal your love.
I won't have to steal your love.
I won't have to steal your love.

"Steal your Love" -- Lucinda Williams

crash

saturday i saw the film Crash. please go out and see it!!! it was fabulous. if you like intense, emotional, honest, deep, thought-provoking films like i do :) this is just what you need! DAMN it was good!! i wanted to smoke a cigarette afterwards (and i don't smoke), that's how satisfying it was!!! ha ha! this is true: some scenes actually took my breath away! i'm sure we've all experienced this with our own lives, for example talking to someone you like, you find yourself a little out of breath. well this is my first time experiencing it with a film. seriously, i had to breath in/breath out. it was wierd. maybe it was the advil i took for my headache. i don't normally take pills for anything unless i absolutely have no choice. i wanted to enjoy the movie and the headache was bothering me so i did. nonetheless. took my breath away.

post film:
i was getting my ticket for the film and my friend was waiting by a bench and seated on this bench was this girl that looked familiar. as i walked closer i realized where i knew her from. She also looked at me like she was trying to figure out who i was. i wasn't going to go up to her since she might not remember me but once i was by my friend she kept looking in my direction. so i looked at her and walked by her. she says, "where do i know you from?". i told her Sox park. immediately as i saw her i remember this memory we both shared. i thought, should i tell her? i mean that was when i was 16yrs old, more than a decade old. damn. the first day at my first job i was put behind home-plate on the main level. she was assigned the same aisle as security while i was the usher. we both thought we spotted Eddie Murphy sitting in our section. anyhow, we spent the day trying to figure out if it was him. i don't remember if we ever found out but it was an exciting first day at work. i told her this and she said that she remembered! i thought that was cool. she was also there to see the same film.

real fearlessness

Real fearlessness is the product of tenderness.
It comes from letting the world tickle your heart,
your raw and beautiful heart.
You are willing to open up,
without resistance or shyness,
and face the world.
You are willing to share your heart with others.

Chogyam Trungpa
Tibetan Buddhist, Scholar and Artist

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